It's 2:20AM. Yesterday we started semester two of my second year of uni. I'm increasingly unsure of what I want to do with my life. There's that part of me that just wants to make and make and make based on topic life. There's that part of me that wants to show the experience of a sleepless night, the doubt, the emotions, the kids in hospital beds, the human things. And then there's a part of me that's completely at a loss how to put my heart into something virtual. There's the part of me that doesn't have the right skills and the part of me that's very indifferent.
Did I even choose the right field? Is this where there's space for me? I guess we'll find out in a year and a half.
And yet everything is... So not what I would like it to be. Between forced pretentiousness, between creating what they call "art" and lost between others interests I feel out of fumes. And then there's topics that nobody would ever touch. We're encouraged to research but we're not given the freedom.
How about as a research topic - what virtual lives mean to us? How much heart do we put into our little fantasy toons? How much more real people are when they get to hide behind a different face? How much time do we spend orchestrating it and can it be counted for a real world experience of some kind?
But... It's not something that would ever be written about in an actual paper. Rather something majority of industries would choose to ridicule.
MMO of my choice is back to Guild Wars 2 and The Sims 4 is not that bad. Why do all of the announcements, games and expansions have to come out when I'm busy and/ or broke?
What's more important, the life of leisure and happiness on limited security or to fall apart somewhere where I couldn't feel human?